When you said it was over between us, I never expected everyday to feel like this. All my days have been filled with joy and comfort and love and such intense happiness. I still do think about you, and I do miss you. But those days I had spent with you feels so far away now. I love the life I have now, and I honestly wouldn’t trade it for any other life. Even a life with you still in it.

I am just so thankful, and I say it everyday. I can’t even begin to imagine how life would be like if I didn’t have God and all my friends supporting me. Everyone who knows what’s going on in my life, or even those who don’t know, they have all been here for me, making sure that I’m okay, talking to me, understanding me, just having their presence around me.

I am so so blessed, and I really can’t thank God enough. Thank you, God. Thank you.

I mean, of course I cry, and I hurt, and I secretly throw imaginary daggers at couples out on the streets holding hands and kissing and hugging, I want to destroy things, I yell, and I run to clear my head, mostly, I break down and wanna be alone. But.. I’ve been surviving. It wasn’t easy, but I’ve been okay. Which is… Amazing.

I believe love never ends. I don’t believe you ever stop loving someone. It can feel a lot less intense overtime, and even when you’ve healed and the hurt has worn off; but I don’t believe love has a past tense. You either never did, or you do with every thing in your body, everything that you have. For that reason, I believe I’ll never stop loving him. I’ll carry that portion of him with me to my marriage and to my death bed. But yes, I believe I’ll be okay.

I really did hurt him, you know? Just that he went and be an idiot and got himself another girl and hurt me and caused all these drama, so it looks like I’m the victim. But it isn’t like that. To be completely honest, he was probably the victim. I’m just more… Contained. I have God and my friends to keep me sane. All he had was me. Plus, he was never strong to begin with. I was always the stronger one, and I always had to be anchoring us, even though I tried to let him think he was wearing the pants. Even though I wanted him to wear the pants. I had to hold myself back so that he could lead, but it was never meant to be like that. We are meant to shine as who we are. I was hard on him too, in pushing him to be stronger and more capable. Guess it was too much to take. You can’t just force someone to be better. Maybe he’s happier now, with someone who doesn’t always go as far as me, and who probably follows all the rules, and someone who wouldn’t push him beyond his comfort zone. This situation’s not entirely bad, even though I’m hurting.

It wouldn’t matter if I don’t mean anything to them anymore. Okay, it does, because I do like them. But you two matter more, and if them forgetting me can ensure that you both keep me in your hearts - I’m willing to sacrifice that.

Don’t be scared. It gets easier. Just take it one step at a time.

Your low self-confidence and constant self-pitying is really getting on my nerves. Don’t say we haven’t been patient with you. We keep trying to be nice to you, but you still insist on putting yourself down. Then you go on to put us down. That, is where I draw the line. Stop taking advantage of us, okay? Even though we love you, and we wouldn’t leave you, we still have our limits. My patience level is the shortest among all of us, so please, don’t make me snap. You know it wouldn’t be pleasant. You’ve been at the other end of my temper before.

“It always rains the hardest on the people who deserves the sun.”

No, it doesn’t. Because we all need some rain in life. There wouldn’t be rainbows if there’s no rain.

Stop drowning in self-pity and start learning to dance in the storms. Get an umbrella. Put on a raincoat. Or go and get drenched to the skin in the rain. The sun will come out one day.

If only I was a coward like you, it’d be so much easier. But I’m not. I’m gonna stand and fight. Because I’m a fighter. I’ll fight the battle and win. I’m gonna be okay.

If you feel confused and lost, it’s okay, because God isn’t disoriented. He knows what He’s doing.

Dear God, I wouldn’t ask you to take away the pain, but will you grant me the courage to hurt, the courage to cry, the courage to completely breakdown, because I have to. Then when it’s time to stop grieving and start healing, God, will you give me back joy, and life, and mending, from the ashes that I’ve become. God, when the time is right, set me free. For now, just give me the courage I need to be vulnerable. And God, please take care of me, because I need you here with me. I cannot do this alone.

I love how we can communicate without saying a single word.

There’s just something about being broken that makes you feel like doing something crazy. It gives you courage to do things you normally wouldn’t.

Don’t you think we spend too much time pining after the what-ifs that we forget to appreciate what we have? That’s why you never know what you’ve got till you lose it, because you’re always looking for something that’s not there. Start looking at what’s happening it now, and love it. Revel in it. Embrace it.

The pleasure that comes with waiting.