I’ve been up and still feeling so disoriented. Haven’t had time to collect my thoughts, but time is running ahead of me. Soooo badly just wanna skip work for a while. Maybe I shouldn’t have said yes to one more year. I desperately need a break. But would one year be too long a break? Or will I use work as a way to run away? Am I really, really happy? Or am I just distracted? I need to grief, but - I can’t believe I’m saying this - there is no time.
I am just waiting for time to pass. One more hour. In no mood for work today.
“If I had only 24 hours to live, what would I do? If I had only 24 hours to breathe, what would I say?”
I wish I only HAD 24 hrs.
Kind of not sure if my students have an attitude problem, or is it really because we’re not close, that’s why they can be so.. Urgh.
Especially after this trip, I really understand that people always have a reason behind how they respond. Either from how they’re made, or their mind set from past experiences - you’d be surprised to find that a lot of unbearable responses are also caused by confusion. But I get angry when people don’t recognise boundaries. Even though it is true that we consider their feelings, sometimes they need to know that the world doesn’t only revolve around them to allow the people around them to keep taking their nonsense.
Ruin my mood.
In the end, words are just a bunch of alphabets and vowels randomly thrown together by human logic to form coherent thought processes. So why do they hurt much?
We get so absolutely bogged down by them that sometimes it feels hard to breathe. And yet, we admit to rather hearing hurtful words than having to face the silence of a person we care about.
I think, what really hurts isn’t what they say, but the intention behind it. It hurts to know that despite being absolutely certain that these people can be trusted, they lie. It hurts to know that despite mutual transparency, they misunderstand. It hurts to know that against all odds, you have been fighting and will continue to, they leave.
That’s why these bunch of alphabets and vowels hurt. They weren’t made to. We just abuse it that way.
Wouldn’t it be nice to sleep from now and wake up tomorrow morning? Sigh. I am seriously sleep-deprived.
Everyone’s tons happier than I am. I wonder if it’s because I’ve become a grump that no one loves me anymore. Maybe I really do need to get away.
What. The. Freak. King. Hell.
我受够了！you’re being damn disrespectful; always undermining me, always talking to me like a child, always treating me like I’m not there.
I am NOT a child. I know I make mistakes, a lot of them, but FREAKING HELL. Stop treating me like I’m a fly in the middle of your window still, for freak’s sake.
Really, cannot stand this kind of rude people.
Really getting quite pissed.
Do it early, get scolded. Do it late, get scolded. Seriously, just shut up. Please. I’m losing it.
Aye seriously, what the hell. You have been texting me the past TWO HOURS about the same thing with multiple texts each time. Just give it a rest why don’t you!?
Everything on tumblr makes me think of you today. I read somewhere that friendship is love. I love you, can’t you see? You can’t just keep scorning at me, and looking down on me just because I don’t have the courage to be me. You’re supposed to be my friend and pick me up, encourage me when I need help, and be there for me. But so far, all I get from you is hurt, and the sense that you would just let me go when we go to different schools or different paths in life.
You know when I think about D and S, I think about us. S, pretty, confident, always smiling, always happy, everyone loves her because she was made the way she is, and she embraced it. D, she had to walk out of something in her life, a shadow, if you may, of harsh words, of insecurities. Even when the physical bullies left her, their voices plagued her in her mind. You’d be S, and I’d be D. D felt insecure and upset when S found a new friend to love. That’s how I feel now. The friend I treasure most in the whole wide world is being taken from me. Right now, S still loves life, she didn’t even say anything about the broken friendship. My guess is, she’s moved on. I’m pretty sure that’s how it will be with you too. And I’ll just remain as a lost memory.
How do I let go of you? How do I stop hurting? How do I stop letting you hurt me?
(via 52hearts)
I know why I’m so pissed already. Because you always have this way of making things sound right so it will go your way. When I want it, you’ll complain about the distance, about how troublesome it is, and how difficult it is, blah blah blah blah blah. But when you want it, you’ll always make it sound damn convenient even if it’s out of the way for me. I’m so pissed at your.. Li-zi-qi-zhuang-ness. Pissed.
