要说什么 杯子都已经空了
闭上眼睛心里下起大雪
天寒又地冻
是不是到了 爱情结帐的时候
只剩下各自买单的寂寞
为什么当我推开门 他没有来拉住我
他还不懂 还是不懂
离开是想要被挽留
如果开口那只是 我要来的温柔
他还不懂 永远不懂
一个拥抱能代替所有
爱绝对能够动摇我
要用什么融化这一片沉默
在四周的冷空气里叹息
化成烟飘走
过去的种种 在心里滚成雪球
怕还没说话 泪就会先流
爱不是他给得不多 是不知道我要什么
都是背了太多的心愿
流星才会跌的那么重
爱太多 心也有坠毁的时候
在第一时间拯救我
"- S.H.E., 他还是不懂
When you said it was over between us, I never expected everyday to feel like this. All my days have been filled with joy and comfort and love and such intense happiness. I still do think about you, and I do miss you. But those days I had spent with you feels so far away now. I love the life I have now, and I honestly wouldn’t trade it for any other life. Even a life with you still in it.
I am just so thankful, and I say it everyday. I can’t even begin to imagine how life would be like if I didn’t have God and all my friends supporting me. Everyone who knows what’s going on in my life, or even those who don’t know, they have all been here for me, making sure that I’m okay, talking to me, understanding me, just having their presence around me.
I am so so blessed, and I really can’t thank God enough. Thank you, God. Thank you.
I mean, of course I cry, and I hurt, and I secretly throw imaginary daggers at couples out on the streets holding hands and kissing and hugging, I want to destroy things, I yell, and I run to clear my head, mostly, I break down and wanna be alone. But.. I’ve been surviving. It wasn’t easy, but I’ve been okay. Which is… Amazing.
I believe love never ends. I don’t believe you ever stop loving someone. It can feel a lot less intense overtime, and even when you’ve healed and the hurt has worn off; but I don’t believe love has a past tense. You either never did, or you do with every thing in your body, everything that you have. For that reason, I believe I’ll never stop loving him. I’ll carry that portion of him with me to my marriage and to my death bed. But yes, I believe I’ll be okay.
I really did hurt him, you know? Just that he went and be an idiot and got himself another girl and hurt me and caused all these drama, so it looks like I’m the victim. But it isn’t like that. To be completely honest, he was probably the victim. I’m just more… Contained. I have God and my friends to keep me sane. All he had was me. Plus, he was never strong to begin with. I was always the stronger one, and I always had to be anchoring us, even though I tried to let him think he was wearing the pants. Even though I wanted him to wear the pants. I had to hold myself back so that he could lead, but it was never meant to be like that. We are meant to shine as who we are. I was hard on him too, in pushing him to be stronger and more capable. Guess it was too much to take. You can’t just force someone to be better. Maybe he’s happier now, with someone who doesn’t always go as far as me, and who probably follows all the rules, and someone who wouldn’t push him beyond his comfort zone. This situation’s not entirely bad, even though I’m hurting.
Yeah? I never really got to find out.
- JoJo, Too Little Too Late
- Grey’s Anatomy
If only I was a coward like you, it’d be so much easier. But I’m not. I’m gonna stand and fight. Because I’m a fighter. I’ll fight the battle and win. I’m gonna be okay.
Dear God, I wouldn’t ask you to take away the pain, but will you grant me the courage to hurt, the courage to cry, the courage to completely breakdown, because I have to. Then when it’s time to stop grieving and start healing, God, will you give me back joy, and life, and mending, from the ashes that I’ve become. God, when the time is right, set me free. For now, just give me the courage I need to be vulnerable. And God, please take care of me, because I need you here with me. I cannot do this alone.
There’s just something about being broken that makes you feel like doing something crazy. It gives you courage to do things you normally wouldn’t.
I’ve been up and still feeling so disoriented. Haven’t had time to collect my thoughts, but time is running ahead of me. Soooo badly just wanna skip work for a while. Maybe I shouldn’t have said yes to one more year. I desperately need a break. But would one year be too long a break? Or will I use work as a way to run away? Am I really, really happy? Or am I just distracted? I need to grief, but - I can’t believe I’m saying this - there is no time.
I am mourning. Grieving. Reminding myself that there’s a season for weeping, there’s a season to cry, but there’s also a season to dance. This season’ll pass. I’ll dance, one day soon.
